Like normal people, sometimes I do not have nightmares – rare as those nights maybe. On those beautiful nights I have dreams about killing my neighbor’s dog and deal with the constantly yapping thing permanently. An ordinary and common enough Freudian experience I know. Once I actually dreamt I could code in Java:
if os.name == 'nt':
import ctypes .....
Or is it Python, Ruby, Perl, C, C++, C# or is it Euphoria. Well you be the judge.
I can handle my nightmares: usually these are just bad movies starring my future in laws being difficult like all in laws. All in laws and cousins are supposed to be like that right? No? In a previous installment I alluded to my disappointment at having not to apply a crack patch to a piece of software. Ever since then all my nights have taken a dreadful and unbearable turn for the worst. They all want to kill me in my sleep.
In the quiet of the night they come. Dressed in fiery vestments, demons out of hell, armed with pitchforks. I recognize some of them as my former victims back when I was a pirate. – still am a pirate. Adobe’s sons Photoshop CS and Creator suite (I killed them using keygen); Black XP and Windows 7 Gamers edition (I used the next generation genetic modifying drug on them now they look all fierce and monstrous like a Pitbull and Boxer cross); Office 2010 and 2013 I sent KMS micro-server that midget assassin to deal with them. I hear the voice of Corel Draw and I can see Nero Image Maker holding the firebrand. To be honest I don’t remember what I did to them. There is a sea of faces outside my door all claiming to be software I pirated and demanding justice and “death to the traitor” who was supposed to evaluate them and not abuse his office.
Suddenly they make for the door with murdering intent burning in their eyes. Their voices silenced in expectation. Scimitars gleaming in the moonlight. Then just as the door gives way, Fortune that mischievous mistress of fate swoops in timeousily and presently I am roused in my own bed. Screaming “I have ngozi! I pirated software!” I am glad I am alive but I know my dark deeds demand expiation. Or the ghostly apparitions will return with the darkness.
So I here confess to my crime your honor: at various times from March 2005 up to sometime in December 2012 I knowingly/ unknowingly and willfully used pirated software and used, multiple times, a copy of Winrar whose license had expired in contradiction of the law, the express and implied wishes of the copyright holders. But I was not the only one. I blurt out. Through out Zimbabwe there have been man and women who have, since the advent of computers blatantly used pirated software. Shops sell DVDs of pirated software for $3/$5. Typists use pirated versions of Office 2007 and people,I have seen, contemptuously dismiss the Windows is not genuine dialogues. The Office 2010 is not activated dialogue is kicked to the curb.
I am not a rat or a snitch. You all know we were in this together. Only the man in black is a priest, I can see the white collar on his neck. His eyes gleam like a dove’s as he listens, his attention punctuated by nods in understanding. I bare my soul to him: How software is expensive and most Zimbabweans pirate it. How we tell each other it’s okay to use and sell it since the authors are rich foreigners and how we have no choice. Finally I am done and my burden is lightened by sharing.
“God forgives you my son. But your friends have to admit their own wrongs. What software they pirated and when. All of you should go clean in 2013 no more pirating. If you cannot afford it use FOSS. Stealing is wrong my son. Go in peace and sin no more.”
He does sound like Stallman, the priest but I am too excited. For the first time in a while I am glad to spend the night with my future in laws. But if I am to have any chance of that you have to confess in the comment section what you did. Come on guys do not deny it help a brother out. What software did you pirate, when and what pathetic excuse you told yourself.
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