Meta’s been on an AI tear lately, stuffing its bots and features into every corner of the internet it owns. Now, WhatsApp is getting that same treatment with a new feature called Private Message Summaries, which basically reads your unread messages for you and gives you a quick bullet-point summary.
Sounds useful, right? You walk away from your phone, return to 147 unread messages from the Family Group, and instead of scrolling through 14 forwarded gospel videos and 23 arguments about chicken prices, you tap a button and get a neat little AI-generated recap. Sounds like a dream.
Except we’ve seen how this movie ends.
Apple tried this. It was hilarious.
One of the big AI features Apple introduced with Apple Intelligence was message summarisation in Mail and Messages. And when early testers got their hands on it, it was a disaster.
Emails are summarised as “important” because someone used ALL CAPS. Sarcasm missed entirely. Entire summaries boiled down to “he said something”. Apple got rightly ridiculed for the mess.
So when WhatsApp announced their version of this, powered by Meta AI, I couldn’t help but laugh.
Because if Apple, with its tightly controlled ecosystem and user base that mostly speaks English, couldn’t get it right, how is WhatsApp going to fare with Zimbabweans juggling Shona, Ndebele, English, street slang, emoji-only replies, and voice notes that even some of us can’t comprehend?
Meta promises privacy. Okay.
The feature is called Private Message Summaries, and WhatsApp insists the summaries are processed securely using something called Meta’s Private Processing, which runs in a “Trusted Execution Environment.”
They say even Meta can’t see your messages or the summaries. So, privacy-wise, this isn’t them reading your chats and storing them in some data centre. At least not according to them.
But this is Meta. So, you know, take that with your daily dose of scepticism.
The summaries only show up when you have unread messages, and you have to opt in manually in your chat settings. It doesn’t notify the other person or group that you summarised their messages. So if you’re hoping to fake having read the group chat, you’re in luck. So, it does have utility then.
But here’s why it’s likely to flop in Zimbabwe
- Multilingual chats
Most Zimbabweans switch between Shona and English mid-sentence. And if you’re talking to your Bulawayo cousins, sprinkle in some Ndebele. That’s before we add in slang, shorthand (what exactly does “kk” mean again?), and cultural references that only make sense if you know who Silent Killer is. - Humour and sarcasm
We are a sarcastic people. We tease, we roast, we make jokes layered in irony. AI doesn’t get jokes. Even humans sometimes miss the tone in a text message. You really think Meta AI is going to catch the nuance in “miswai”? Is that a threat, a joke, or both? - Voice notes and media-heavy chats
Zimbabweans love voice notes. Many prefer them to typing. The summaries (for now) don’t process voice notes. So in that family group chat, your aunt’s 2-minute plea for you to marry that nice girl you used to play mahumbwe with? Not summarised. That meme that everyone’s reacting to? Skipped. - Internet and language limitations
Currently, the feature is only available in English and only in the U.S.. So even if we wanted to try it, we can’t. But when (or if) it rolls out globally, will it understand Zimbabwean English? Will it know that “this guy is a problem” means he’s good at what he does? Doubtful.
So what’s the point?
Look, in theory, the feature makes sense. We’re all overwhelmed. Nobody wants to read 88 unread messages in a group chat just to find out that everyone was talking about Mai Jeremaya. A short summary could help.
But unless Meta’s AI has been trained on Zim Twitter, read every WhatsApp group chat from Mbare to Borrowdale, and watched hours of local stand-up comedy, I don’t see how it’ll get this right.
Until then, maybe just mute the group and go read the messages yourself. At least you know what any of the crap in there means.
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